I’m going to go off on a major rant about phone sex. So, here’s your one and only warning – this is going to be explicit, if not downright raunchy, so you proper people out there can stop reading right now. Okay, so I was going through a dry spell, and I read a blog about how phone sex could get me back in the game. Start hooking up with “hot local singles” for one night stands and shit, or maybe even find the girl of my dreams – because I didn’t stand a chance of finding her on my own in this big city, or whatever. So, I tried it out. Not actual phone dating, but phone sex. Because, you know, I was in a rut and needed to get off before I could go out and attract anyone. Pheromones, man, but that’s for another blog.
You dial in and select the kind of chick you’re into. They connect you with someone, and you exchange a few pleasantries and basic demographics, like your name and stuff. Then the husky voice on the other end starts talking really dirty to you, and you get that immediate stiffy, so you keep on saying “yeah, I like when you do that to me”. It’s a phone fuck for ya! So here you are, hard as a rock and aching because your boner is pressing against your pants. You pull it out and start jerking, ‘cause this sex talk is getting really good and when you close your eyes you can see her, man! The girl of your dreams – slutty and needy, because she keeps asking what she can do to you to make you cover her in cum. She’s starved for it!
So, let me just tell you straight out – there is a point in every single phone sex call when reality smacks you in the face, but you keep on jerking out of desperation, in spite of the spoiler. Just one of the most ridiculous things about phone sex is when she starts talking about sucking your dick. But then she keeps talking, right? And it’s like, um, if my cock is down your throat, how in the heck are you still talking to me? The truth is, there’s no real way to keep up the fantasy, but you paid for this call, so you start to feel obligated to cum. So, you force one out, and hang up the phone faster than you can reach for the tissue (or that dirty t-shirt on the floor, whatever, I’m not judging).
I’m telling you guys. Don’t be a sucker, like I was. You can still use your phone to get some much needed sexual satisfaction – without an annual subscription to a porn network. There’s this thing called sexting. You still get hooked up with all those hot local chicks that all the other sites boast, but you never have to worry about how you look or what you’re wearing, there’s no dinner to buy, and no expensive fantasy ruined by all that talk. You can just sext all day, all night, and keep it going even longer – because that’s a way better value, at least in my book. Fuck, she could even be on the rag or something, but who cares? You can still get off, and if you really like her, you can decide to meet up to do the real thing with her whenever! In this day and age of technology, sexting truly is the only way to turn a fantasy into reality. Plus, you get all the dirty words without the endless talking – but that’s another blog. Try it out, seriously, because it’s totally satisfying!